I wrote the following letter as a response to a conversation with a friend I have known since college. She wondered why I used the term “death thoughts” in my writing. But I wanted to publish it for all of the people closest to me, who have never seen me wail from the hollow place […]
Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary defines the word “snap” as: to grasp at something eagerly; make a pounce or snatch; to bark out irritable or peevish retorts; to undergo a sudden and rapid change. I wanted to make sure that is, in fact, what happened yesterday toward the end of my run at the Naval Academy. My […]
“When you’re emerging from a depressive episode, how do you know when to push yourself—in terms of commitments and challenges—and when to be gentle with yourself?” someone asked recently on my depression community, Project Beyond Blue. That’s one of the toughest questions people who have repeated depressive episodes face. Because no matter what they choose, […]
My post, “Dear Friend, This Is Depression” is featured on Yahoo Health! I wrote the following letter as a response to a conversation with a friend I have known since college. She wondered why I used the term “death thoughts” in my writing. But I wanted to publish it for all of the people closest to […]
Nine years ago I decided to wean off all my meds and take natural supplements instead. One evening I was fixing a magnesium concoction, chatting with a friend. We were talking about my depression, and this new holistic route I was taking. “You have everything you need inside you to get better,” she said. Yeah, […]
January 24 is on record as being the most depressing day of the year. It’s not hard to figure out why. The bills come in from all those generous gifts you gave back when the holiday spirit had you feeling rich. The resolutions you made on December 31 are, well, broken. And it’s cold, dark, […]
In December of 2012, Stephanie S. was taking 300 mgs of Zoloft, 300 mgs of Wellbutrin, 300 mgs of Desyrel, 200 mgs of Risperdal, and 8 mgs of Xanax, but was as depressed as she has ever been. She had also gained 100 pounds as a side-effect of all the medications. Having tried a total […]
I overhead my husband describing my health to someone on the phone the other day. “She’s definitely better,” he said. “She’s trying a lot of new things. It’s hard to say what’s helping the most.” “Well, she’ll always have it. I mean, it will never go away completely. But she’s able to manage her symptoms […]
I feel guilty writing that: “getting through the holidays.” I’ve done an excellent job this year of scheduling events that will force my brain to appreciate the magic of the holiday season: I actually participated in a cookie swap even though sugar makes me suicidal; I made time last week to attend a friend’s holiday […]
In his book “Economic Warfare: Secrets of Wealth Creation in the Age of Welfare Politics,” author Ziad K. Abdelnour writes, “One of the hardest decisions you’ll ever face in life is choosing whether to walk away or try harder.” I face that decision every day. Twenty times a day. Several times an hour. That one […]
I don’t know if you have noticed, but ever since Robin Williams died, I have removed the filter from my writing that keeps me safe of jaw dropping, disappointing head gestures, and all kinds of judgments that authentic writing invites. I just really don’t care anymore what people think because lives are at stake. If […]
“Do you WANT to get better?” a family member asked me a few weeks after I graduated from the psych ward in 2005. I was furious and hurt. Because it was just one of many insensitive comments that seem to imply that I was causing my illness. So when a woman in the online depression […]
My husband and I had to put down our Labrator-Chow mix this morning. He did exactly what his sister did nine months ago: went out to our backyard on a cold and rainy night and just stood there, with his tail down, and wouldn’t come back in. It’s as if they both knew it was […]
I grew up thinking depression was as simple as one little transmitter getting lost somewhere on his way from one neuron to the other, much like I do when I venture further than five miles from home. It’s an easy explanation–a chemical imbalance in the brain–one that pharmaceutical companies have adopted to craft creative commercials […]
The Ebola crisis. Malaysia Airlines Flight 17. ISIS. It doesn’t take much these days to arrive at a panicked state. Not if you stay abreast of news headlines. Nine years ago, when I had my first mental health breakdown, I realized that my psyche was way too fragile to absorb detailed updates about the turmoil […]
You’d never suspect this by listening to pharmaceutical ads, but only one-third of people with major depression get better after trying an antidepressant. The others go on to try different drugs, or combinations of medicine and psychotherapy, and usually seven in 10 achieve remission. The other third? They are labeled with the three most dreaded […]
Someone recently asked me to write on what I wish people knew about depression, in light of Robin William’s suicide. Here’s my response. I wish people knew that depression is complex, that it is a physiological condition with psychological and spiritual components, and therefore can’t be forced into any neat and tidy box, that healing […]
In his book, “Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart,” psychiatrist Mark Epstein, M.D. tells the famous Buddhist story of Kisagotami and the mustard seed: A young woman named Kisagotami lost her only child to illness around the time of his first birthday. Bereft, she went from house to house in her village, clasping the dead […]
I overheard my husband describing my health to someone on the phone the other day. “She’s definitely better,” he said. “She’s trying a lot of new things. It’s hard to say what’s helping the most.” “Well, she’ll always have it. I mean, it will never go away completely. But she’s able to manage her symptoms […]
In his book “Economic Warfare: Secrets of Wealth Creation in the Age of Welfare Politics,” author Ziad K. Abdelnour writes, “One of the hardest decisions you’ll ever face in life is choosing whether to walk away or try harder.” I face that decision every day. Twenty times a day. Several times an hour. That one […]
