One June afternoon in between sessions of electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), I sat on my bed in the psychiatric unit of Johns Hopkins Hospital and compiled a list of ten names, friends and family who loved me unconditionally. Since I’m constantly fretting about saying the wrong thing to people and ruffling feathers, I decided that I […]
One of my favorite songs as a young girl was “Be Not Afraid.” I remember singing the lyrics in the shower and whenever I was anxious. They gave me great comfort, especially the chorus: Be not afraid I go before you always Come follow me And I will give you rest. The last two lines […]
I want to thank all my readers for the outpouring of support. It has meant more to me than you know. There is so much to say, and I’m not sure how to say all of it, so I will try to tackle it bit by bit. My acute series of electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) was […]
There is what I call the traditional, Dwayne-Johnson-ish kind of strength – the “I got this,” “pain can’t stop me,” “just keep going” kind of resolve. I tapped into my reserve of this kind of strength in Spain. I constantly redirected negative intrusive thoughts, telling myself that they were just stories in my head. I […]
On the evening of April 29, I sat around a large wooden table with about 20 other pilgrims in the small French village of St. Jean Pied de Port. Each of us would begin our 780-kilometer trek to Santiago the next day. Just before dinner, we shared the “title” of our Camino – a summary […]
In less than 24 hours, I embark to walk Camino de Santiago, or The Way of Saint James, a 500-mile trek across Spain associated with healing. When I made the plans, I questioned whether or not I would have the courage to go through it. I bought fully-refundable tickets to give myself options to bow […]
Someone once said that without change there would be no butterflies. Herman Hesse said much of the same when he said, “Some think that holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it’s letting go.” Don’t look backwards If there was one lesson I learned this year, it’s that clinging to the past only creates more […]
Virginia Woolf believed that if a woman was to write fiction that she must have money and a room of her own. I would say the same for a mental health blogger or anyone in a creative field. Money can be hard to come by. But a creative soul should at least have a fort […]
Although American poet T. S. Eliot didn’t have an advanced psychology degree, I think he nailed the reasons why so many people get depressed and anxious in the spring in his classic poem, “The Waste Land.” He writes, “April is the cruelest month, breeding lilacs out of the dead land, mixing memory and desire, stirring […]
There is no question that faith can help pull us out of darkness and provide the hope and inspiration that is needed to persevere through despair. Several studies over the last decade have cited the positive role of spirituality and religion in recovery from depression. For starters, they assign meaning to suffering. Stories of redemption prompt […]
When a marriage dissolves, there is legal process that involves steps of grieving the end of the relationship. Signing papers, although painful, acknowledges the end of years together and also signifies freedom to move on to a new life. Broken friendships, however, have no process in place. Oftentimes the ending is muddled, with confusion over […]
I am reposting part of my commencement speech to Saint Mary’s College in 2011 because, as I mentioned in my last post, looking back on moments of joy and accomplishment propels me through darker moments. Although I wrote this for graduating seniors, I hope the message of light, sincerity, and love speak to you, as well. […]
About once a week I hear the same question from a reader, “What keeps you going?” The short answer is lots of things. I use a variety of tools to persevere through my struggle with depression because what works on one day doesn’t the next. I have to break some hours into 15-minute intervals and […]
I like to post inspirational quotes on my Facebook page a few times a week. I thought I’d chose my favorite among them and include them here.
I’m breaking the rules and celebrating 30 years of sobriety on Sunday. No, it’s not consecutive time, and some people might accuse me of cheating, but if I add up all my sober moments, it’s 30 years, and that’s what counts. Minus those two times There was a stupid night my junior year in college […]
If I had only one wish in life it wouldn’t be unlimited funds or a bottomless pot of coffee, not a condo in Maui or free college degrees for my kids. I wouldn’t even want to add years to my life. My wish would be this: to become more emotionally resilient — to be able […]
Seven weeks from last night, I board a plane to Paris and will arrive at St. Jean Pied de Port the next day to start my six-week hike along the Way of St. James, or the sacred pilgrimage of Camino de Santiago. Along with my 15-pound backpack of essentials, I bring along some of the […]
Up until last week, I hadn’t done rage. Polite ladies don’t go there. Anger turned inward Some say the definition of depression is anger turned inward. I suppose, then, my rage has been tucked away inside my tears. The other day I spoke with a group of women about handling negative thoughts. “When I am […]
Just as mantras are helpful for me to process emotions, so are quotes. I often turn to them for wisdom and inspiration. The following sound bytes have been especially helpful in trying to learn how to forgive myself. Like most people I know, I judge my own indiscretions with a different standard than those of […]
I’m scared of downtime. That’s right, relaxation is downright uncomfortable for me. Part of me craves it like every other human being. Yet as soon as it is here, I twitch. I pace the house. I don’t know what to do with my hands and my legs — even more importantly, my brain. Sometimes the […]
