“Do you ever think to yourself, Is this it? Is this all there is?” someone asked me on Easter. He and his wife had been going through a very difficult period managing their special-needs son. Both looked drained and exhausted.
“Actually, no,” I responded. “The belief in an afterlife is what I cling to many days. It is what keeps me going.”
Even as I train myself to live more in the moment, to practice mindfulness as best as I can in whatever activity I am doing, and to appreciate the good in what is right before me, part of me is just so eager to have this life be over with. While most people envy the young with their smooth, clear skin, I’m jealous of the elderly with their canes and walkers. They’ve run most of the marathon and are only a few miles away from the finish line. They did it. They resisted the urge to shorten their lives at some painful crossroad and they got to the end.
How can I explain it in a way that will not seem morbid?
I wish they could “put me to sleep” and harvest my organs for someone who would enjoy them and life more than I do.