Go the $%#@ to Sleep: 3 Tips to Use Threats Effectively


sleepingI have read every parenting sleep book that has been published in the last 20 years. I’ve been told by neighbors, mothers, siblings, friends, and strangers why my children don’t sleep and how to make them miraculously nod off.

But 11 years after the first insomniac was born, I’m still exhausted, as I am convinced he emerged from my womb with no need of sleep, and then his sister two years later with the same curse. I’m not sure how it happened, being that I’ve always needed eight hours of sleep to stay sane.

The last two months there has been a lot of cussing in our house after 8 p.m., when we begin the rituals. In desperation I headed to my shelf of expert advice to see if any nuggets in there would apply, or at least not nauseate me. I came away empty-handed. Great intentions. Perfect principles. Wise stuff. Just not going to work on my rebels, who defy traditional rules and procedures.

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Therese Borchard
I am a writer and chaplain trying to live a simple life in Annapolis, Maryland.

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4 Responses
  1. Kevin L Keough

    Lol. You are so politically incorrect and real in this one I nominate you for best blog post of the month award. Yes, I am invested with such powers. My now 25 yo daughter has my impressively awful sleep genes and my now 22 yo son sleeps like a rock just like his mother. Time for bed was when Daddy said it was time for bed (and you better listen to your mother). “Daddy, we can hear it in your voice . You **mean** it when you tell us it’s bedtime”. Band Aid fix—-delegate to Dad. Else I’ll solve it for you in one week while your kids live with my mother. I could do it but why settle for second best ? Me thinks my mother would have some counsel that would not push the projectile vomiting button. What might they be ?

  2. Our families must be related somehow. I have gone through this every single night for over 18 years. You’re not kidding about insomniac children being clever and manipulative. My oldest would pretend to be asleep just long enough for me to pass out from exhaustion. Then, she would get up and do her thing. Grrr.